I cut my hair today

I started growing my hair nineteen or twenty years ago. The joke at the time was that my wife (at the time) once said that my two good features were my eyes and my hair. So I wondered why I was putting one of my best features on the barber shop floor every month. But I think it went deeper than that. It was a declaration of independence.

The timing of the hair was just as life started to fall apart. In my mindset back then, I was expending a hundred hours a week for everyone else and was getting nothing in return. It was the thoughts of a man who had listened to the whispers of the devil that I needed to start doing some things for myself, for my own pleasure since no one else seemed concerned whether my needs were met or not.

Of course, you can see the self-pity and ego crying out. I remember actually shaking my fist at Heaven and shouting at the top of my lungs, "WHAT ABOUT MEEEEE!!!?"

But just as God said to Paul that His grace was sufficient for Paul, it would have been for me if I had humbly gone to God and asked for His comfort. Even if it was my lot in life not to be fulfilled at home or recognized at work, or respected as a peer by the elderly couple whose property I took care of, God would have given me what I needed for comfort if I had turned to Him.

Instead, I let the whispers begin to have a place in my head. People online told me I deserved better. It was just what I wanted to hear.

So I started growing my hair. I might have fooled myself with that line about my two good features. But it was an ego-grab. It was me declaring that I was going to start living for myself.

The hair worked with my career. After all, long hair kind of goes in the software world. It gave me a look that I enjoyed with my black car and my black wool overcoat. I was a man to be respected. I was the boss. And yeah, it did work for that. But God was missing from this entire equation.

Since I had my road trip with God and rededicated my life to Jesus, the main thing I understand is the need for humility. "Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord, and He will raise you up." My life is not about me. It is not about the respect people have for me or what I get from people or the world. My life is about living a pleasing life for God, which is impossible unless I die to myself and live for Him.

My re-dedication also gave me a thirst for the Word. I have finished the New Testament in two weeks. Somewhere along the way, in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 11, I read, "Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him?"

Now I do not fully believe that the length of a man's hair has much to do with his eternal state, but the heart for Jesus and confession of Jesus as Lord and Savior. But it did get me thinking about my hair. By the way, the hair was eighteen inches down my back.

And what I concluded while I was reflecting in prayer was that I no longer need a declaration of independence. I need a declaration of dependence on the Living Word and on the Blood of Jesus Christ. I am not independent. I am dependent to my wife with love and thanksgiving. I am dependent upon God for His grace and His Spirit.

That conclusion led me to cut my hair. I know it sounds kind of out there, but I took the bundled up ponytail home and will offer it in prayer to God as a sacrifice and a sign of my humility to Him. Then I will send it off to charity for those with cancer that need hair.

Thank you, Jesus, for this new life in you and for leading me with your Spirit.